I wanna hold the hand inside you.

I can't quit you baby, so i'm gonna put you down for a while.

I am addicted to analyzing every single relationship in my life. My relationship with love, friends, family, even my relationship with the sun and the moon. Of course it drives me half way down the road to insanity and i find myself choking on thoughts at every other breath i take. This makes it harder to breathe. It kind of firm, but gently places a grip around my upper chest and i get light-headed.

Thank god this only happens sometimes. 

Just like sometimes..

-I miss us, and i wonder what we could have become if we grew along and not apart.

Me and you and everyone we know.

It is June. I am tired of being brave.

The sky falls and i fall with it. I fall to the floor crying. There's an element of ridiculousness to it, i know it, i feel it. My best-friend Sally tells me all the time. The fact that i'm still crying over how beautiful things used to be in the past. I mean past the hurt and distance, past the lack of light when things got dark, past the battle that i gave up...

YOU will always be a part of me. YOU will always be in my heart. Everything we created is as vivid as the sun but YOU are starting to fade. I am starting to forget what you look like, your scent, the way your hand felt in mine, your laugh, your smile, even when i close my eyes real hard, even when i cry, even in my dreams i can't see you anymore. But i will always remember what you made me feel, the way you loved me, the way you would hold me with all your life. I'm not sure if anybody can love me the way you loved me. I've never felt the way i did with you. You showed me that you had given me your heart completely and with that, the power to break it...

Fuck.

You were my first, my EVERYTHING, but you're not my last. I'm gonna find love again. Maybe it's you, i don't know. It's definitely not gonna be the same love, but one day someone is gonna find me, pick me up and take me away. Someone is gonna wrap their arms around me and love me.

Right?

We found love.

I miss solving my problems with eyeliner and red lipstick.

Where is the feelings switch?

Eventually something you love is going to be taken away. Or you give up on it. Like i did. At least that's how it feels sometimes. The past few weeks have been horrible. It's been turbulent in my heart, messy in my head and completely still around me. It's a shitty mixture and i am dealing with it quite badly. There is no more me in your heart, no more you in my arms and no more us in the world. We have vanished in every sense of the word and it is still, after all this time knocking me down. Well it has to be honest just started knocking me down. The 'no more us' part. It comes and goes as it pleases, the feeling.

I'm sorry i didn't keep fighting for us. I'm sorry i can't feel happy for your happiness. And i'm sorry i remember every stupid little detail about the way you loved me with all your heart. But even more, i am sorry for wrapping myself in sadness.

I need to get my shit together. Get my emotions in check, throw em' in a bag, toss it in the ocean, wave goodbye, walk away and raise my middle finger up in the air!

Give me a life that needs correction; nobody loves, loves perfection.

If I miss you, well, that’s my fault.

smoking this pack of cigarettes like it's air // trying to find you like you're there

shoulda coulda would

but never did

.

We're both screwed up, it creates a bond.

Who would've thought that 1990 would be the year the most dynamic duo in the world would come to fruition? The year you and I met. The year bitches took a mother-fucking seat!

22 years. Can you believe it? It's been t w e n t y t w o years since we started driving each-other mad with love, loss, distance and only getting closer at that. I don't even know where to start, what to say or how to end this. Several times a year i pour my heart out to the world on how much i love you. Today i just want to make you a promise. I want to promise you the world. Not to have and to hold, but to take! I promise to take on this crazy world with you till my dying day. To walk every beautiful piece of land by your side and listen to the greatest songs in the universe from your bed. You and I are forever. We are cosmic. It's like we were written in the stars way before we even met. Our crazy mother's are US, they are beautiful and they have each-other. WE are our amazing dad's, they are in heaven looking down at all the shit we do, laughing. It's a mystery of human chemistry and i don't understand it. Some people, as far as your senses are concerned, just feel like home. You feel like home to me! I know we spend majority of the year apart, but i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart. But before this gets too deep i would just like to say,

You are hilarious, beautiful, smart, kind, weird, absolutely bonkers and you're my BFF! I'm glad you we're born. I love you like WHOA!

Happy birthday Agnes Leonora, you truly are a diamond!

We can get good and drunk.

Words from old lovers mouths never really leave us, do they?

There are some mornings, the late ones in particular, where i try to collect all the hazy memories i have of you. I love the lazy feeling this love gives me. The effortless kind, our kind.

I remember when you told me you were gonna teach me how to fly. It was the same day i wore my hair the way you liked it and you kept telling me how beautiful i was. We were so drunk balancing our glasses on our fingertips and staining the entire rug. It was lovely.

Lovely..
That's what you used to call me in the afternoon.

Used to.
Bye.

I think you should just runaway, get away.

Most people love to loose themselves.

Sometimes i look at the sky and it's rain and sun both, noon and midnight. And i curse at the wind as pain and joy floods within me. 

It's late now and the city is sleeping. I close my eyes and listen to the soft sound of the night piercing through my ears. The sky is watercolor blue and my thoughts are in a knot. Half awake, half dreaming i pick up a cigarette and place it between my lips. I light it up, lean my head back and inhale as deep as i can. All i can think of is how much i want you to grab me. Find me in the dark and grab me! Pull me close to you, and swallow my madness.

I want you between me and the feeling i get when i miss you.

By akam1k3.

Truth is.

It feels like you're throwing rocks at my heart. Like you're shooting fire on the ground i walk on. Like your robbing me of the air i breathe.

Sigh..

With one single, not so simple action, you created another storm in my life. Your silence and our distance speaks so much to me right now and i'm feeling unbalanced. I hate this feeling. You always made my heart bleed and fly at the same time. I love you so much it hurts. It hurts from the core of my heart all the way down to the tip of my toes. I've tried to erase you. Well not YOU, just the idea of you i guess. I've kind of tried to get rid of your number that i know by heart. It makes no sense. I feel crazy. It feels like i am in a black hole that i can't get out of. 

How the fuck i am supposed to do this?

Fuck.

Cunt.

Lost in love, love lost.

Love changes and best friends become strangers.

Goodnight world. I'm taking my galaxy dress to sleep and you can come too!

No here, no this, just us.

Baby take off your cool.

Baby, i need your lovin'.

Last night i was feeling lonely and longing for love. So i put on my heart shaped sunnies, sat down on my persian carpet and made a call across the universe to my lover Eizel. It made everything strawberry amazing.