Hungover games!

Today marks the official start of my birthday week in Manila. It is a tradition and we've been doing it for years! It is absolute m a d n e s s and very few come out of it alive. Haha! We go out every day straight for a week (nothing different from any other week out here really....) then top it off with a parlay on my actual birthday! It's kind of like the hunger games!

So to everyone taking part of it this year, may the odds be ever in your favor!

Here is a photo from my birthday last year. It was a fireworks, champagne, rampage kind of night with the best of friends and a bad case of amnesia the following day. Le perfection!

I sometimes wish you would call me, but then i wouldn't know what to say.

I'm turning my safety off.

Love sick, sick of love.

Right in between lost and love.

It's happening all over again. Fuck fuck fuck! I'm right back to falling apart as i fall out of bed and it's too familiar. I thought i was done with this a long time ago, then you come right back into my life and you drive me crazy and i GO crazy in every sense possible and i get paranoid then i snap out of it and just when i think im okay, something punches me in the gut.

Like this morning. I woke up and read the news. The news of your new trick. 

Im done!

Lies, don't want to know.

This is all i feel in this very moment.

Empty.

Be naked when i get home.

Dear mocha choca lovers,

My ass has been royally absent from this beautiful collective lately and for that i apologize. I know you are all pulling your hair, twisting your thumbs and loosing sleep wondering what i am doing half way across the world from my mommas at CC. Here is my story.

Half the year i live in the most amazing place in the world, also known as Manila. Half my life is here. Half my family, half my friends and half my heart. I've been doing this for quite some time now and in some twisted way it works out for me. I am always missing someone, something, someplace, believe that! Being apart from my life in Europe is hardknock, but this is my life right now. I am the kind of girl who is aaalways catching a flight. I fall in love left and right and can't seem to leave fast enough. I am working on something and have been for a very long time. I have met some amazing individuals who have become perfect pieces in my puzzle and all my visions are finally coming into fruition. Things have been crazy for the past few months and the hustle has been hard. But it is a part of the game and i am in love with every single part of it.

As soon as everything is ready for the world to see, you will all be the first to know! So be patient with me and please stick around and take part of my journey as i am on my daily grind and as i dance the nights away.

"The good, the bad, the beautiful: The 16 rocking Manila right now!"

Here is my participation in The Philippine Young Star's anniversary feature on "16 people who rock Manila" alongside Preview Magazine's fashion editor Daryl Chang. Thank you so much to the entire team behind the shoot and for wanting me on board! I've met a battalion of amazing individuals and couldn't be more grateful!

Home is where the heart is.

No, not "baby" anymore, if I need you I'll just use your simple name, only kisses from the cheek from now on. And in a little while, we'll only have to wait.

Today i woke up with a feeling that something had changed. There's a hurricane in my head and my heart feels frozen. I see your name on my phone and it makes me dizzy. I think of how we've been treating each other over the past few months and it makes me sick. I've tried. I've fucking tried. But you leave me with nothing. I know it was my fault. I am perfectly aware that my decisions lead us to this, but what lead me to my decisions? Sigh, i have no need collecting points on who got hurt more, but what we've come to is bigger than me. I thought i could handle it, i thought i could keep calm and let time heal the wounds, but i can't. I gave you too many chances to punch me in the heart and leave me in the rain, but you didn't. Now, i see it all so clearly. Without really understanding, i feel it.

You stopped caring. Not about me nor what we had, you just stopped caring. And with that you created a distance between us and filled that space with meaningless thrills. It makes me sad. I don't recognize you anymore and it makes me want to scream. My sadness is slowly growing into anger and that is the last thing i want. I don't want to hate you, but you are pushing me away with invisible punches and your silent words. I have no idea what to make of any of this and i am getting lightheaded as i type.. 

I don't know if you're beautiful because I love you too much.

The awful weight of loving.

Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything is on fire.

Walking on a dream.

Two months ago i got a phone call from my photographer friend asking if i wanted to model for Preview Magazines april issue. I diagnosed him absolutely bonkers and threw out a nervous laugh. Apparently the Preview team had requested me which also made my heart race just a tad bit. The conversation lasted for about 5 minutes and ended in me agreeing on doing the 6 page editorial. I had no idea what the shoot would be about nor what i had thrown myself into. All i knew is that it was going to be curvy, sexy and fierce! They told me they'd never done a shoot of this kind so i thought why not shake what my momma gave me and do something i'd never done before?

Anyway, the magazine came out two days ago and the feedback i've gotten from lovers and strangers has been grand! I am sooo happy, humble and in awe that so many people loved the editorial. Thanks to the AMAZING team behind it, it all worked out just right. I owe it all to my stardust photographer loves Bj Pascual and the stylist, my darling Patrick Galang.

Thank you to Preview Magazine for making this happen. It really was a dream come true!

You can't afford to ______ me.

I can't believe it's out! Here's a sneak peek of my editorial debut in The Philippines. Go grab your copy of this month's issue of Preview Magazine shot by everyone's favorite photographer, my first love Bj Pascual! More on this later, i am off to drink mimosa's in the sun!

Got the whiskey flu, when all i wanted was you.

Yesterday i woke up to the silence of being away from the city, surrounded by mountain tops, volcanoes, fresh air and coffee on the porch. I have always been in love with getting away. No matter if it's only been for the mere thought of it.

Last month this is what i woke up to, on an island a few hours away from the city-lights. Toes in white sand, light breeze through the palms and turquoise water as far as the eye could see. There's just something about waking up by the beach. Something calm and careless. Something that makes one forget time and space.

I need this back in my life.